Thursday, February 23, 2017

A Bit of Wood

 
Speaking of pissing... Went to a show the other night; a small (150 seat) but full house. The venue has one men's restroom, which was out of order, and one women's (single stall). The line  stretched down the hall as everyone waited. One man in the middle of the line decided he couldn't wait..."Well, here's to parking lots!" and he walked out. A number of us guys followed to female voices: "Gross." "That's disgusting." Even a "Neanderthals." I shrugged, "The advantage of being a man." LOL.
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Had the Ultrsound done on my balls yesterday.
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A woman this time. I could tell by her demeanor that she was not happy about having to do it. Curt, almost to the point of rude. After inquiring about the issues, she had me pull my cock up against my abs...
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OK, not a problem. I removed my hand from under the towel. "No, you have to hold onto it."
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Then she made me cross my legs at the ankles so my balls were pushed up between my thighs, "I don't want anything moving."
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I think she just wanted to ensure I didn't pop wood.
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She needn't have worried, she had me cringing in pain several times. Gentle she was not. Ah, the disadvantage of being a man. Now I know what my wife feels like during her Mammograms. It would've been impossible to cover the varicoceles with the way she had me positioned. Not to mention, she didn't do the perineum at all.
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I have a suspicion I'll be going in for another Ultrasound before we can get anything resolved.
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But, if I have to do it over, the next time I'll insist on a male technician who isn't so damn skittish about the possibility of a bit of wood developing.
What's a boner between a medical professional and a patient, anyway?

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Man to Man

I never expected Dear Abby would supply so many topics for this blog. This is a completely new one on me. A couple has been friends with a guy for 30 years. In the last year, or so, he's taken to making a complete mess in the bathroom when he visits; piss all over the toilet, puddles on the floor, then he steps in it and tracks it all over the house.
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Now, okay...I get that this is a fetish thing for some. The recent reports about The Orange One in the Oval Office even brought it to public conscience once again.
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Anyway, the wife wants her husband to talk to this friend and tell him to straighten up - or don't visit anymore. The husband doesn't want to. Dude - this is a guy's conversation. Man up, and talk to this friend; it might be a new PA he hasn't yet learned to control
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or a medical issue, such as a recent malleable implant making it difficult to hit the mark.
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Whatever it is, you need to tell him to either clean up after himself
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or go out and piss in the yard.
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Trust me - if you want to remain friends with this man, do not make your wife have this conversation with him.
Men should be able to have a Man-to-Man about these things.
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Guys - would you be afraid to have such a personal discussion with a life-long friend?

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Frozen Peas and Jock Straps

"Oh, my aching balls!" - Those were my exact words to a buddy of mine when I called him for advice. He's a roaming Forensic Pathologist; he fills in when Medical Examiners take vacations. The Varicoceles (essentially, varicose veins of the balls) were flaring. I was quite beside myself. I figured if he didn't know what to suggest to help until I got in to the Urologist, no one would.
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"Do you have any peas in your freezer? Lay down, elevate your legs with pillows and put the peas on your groin.  When the swelling goes down, put on a jock strap, dude. A street jock, or light support jock strap. There are little tiny valves along the vessels to your balls. When they don't operate right, the blood has a tough time moving through. Gravity is working against you here, causing added pressure."
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Well, I didn't have a jock. Out to the sporting good store I went. Have you ever seen the sheer number of styles available? Holy crap!
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I finally had to ask for help. He didn't hesitate and pulled one from the rack, "This is what I wear every day."
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Between the frozen peas, and the jock strap: Sweet relief! The Ultrasound is scheduled for tomorrow; we'll see just how much worse these things have gotten over the years since the last urologist told me to "learn to live with the pain." I wanted to say, "Fuck you!" I sighed and nodded and he walked out of the exam room. 
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The next time I see a dude at the day spa wearing a jock strap I won't question it.
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Monday, February 20, 2017

She's Come to Accept It

A trip to a small, locally owned store over the weekend, and asking for the owner, who loves to joke around, one of the employees says, "He's in the back...looking for his manhood."
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Ha! There's no looking about it. Guys always find it. We love finding it! To which the owner walks into the lobby, laughing. He adds, "I found it, no problem." He reaches out to shake hands, pulls his back. "Wait, I need to wash off the cum." Then blows me a kiss instead. Meanwhile, his wife is behind the counter laughing and adding her two cents.
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We've been joking around like that from the first day we met when he asked me what I did with my time, and my response was, "I lay around jacking off."
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We've had serious conversations about it, too. He hadn't been married when we met - only engaged. On another trip in shortly after the first he asked, "Why do our women get all upset when they find out we still masturbate?" 

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"I think it's that they wonder why they aren't enough. But, at the same time, they'd complain about us always wanting to fuck if we didn't jerk off on a regular basis."
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Now that they've been married for a while, I think she's come to accept it.
Guys jack off. A lot. Regardless of age. It's a fact of life.
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But, really, only a woman can answer the question properly. Ladies???